Posted by: Joe Palmer | June 19, 2009

THE MEN’S THESAURUS


father

THE MEN’S THESAURUS

Are you having trouble understanding your man? Perhaps this will help. If nothing else you will have a good laugh.

(men don’t always say what they mean) – ladies, please allow me to translate for your future benefit:

When a man says “IT WOULD TAKE TOO LONG TO EXPLAIN”
He means: “I have no idea how it works”

When a man says “TAKE A BREAK, HONEY. YOU ARE WORKING TOO HARD’’
He means: “I can’t hear the game over the vacuum cleaner”

When a man says ’THAT’S INTERESTING DEAR.’
He means: “Are you still talking?”

When a man says: “IT’S A GUY THING”
He means: “There is no rational thought pattern connected with this, and you have no chance at all of making it logical”

When a man says “CAN I HELP WITH DINNER”
He means: “Why isn’t it ready yet?”

When a man says “UH HUH, SURE HONEY,” or “YES, DEAR”
He means: Absolutely nothing – It’s a conditioned response.

When a man says “YOU KNOW HOW BAD MY MEMORY IS.”
He means: ” I can remember the theme song to ‘Hogan’s Heroes’, the phone # of the first girl I ever kissed & the vehicle identification numbers of every car I ever owned – but yes, I forgot your birthday”

When a man says ’OH, DON’T FUSS, I JUST CUT MYSELF. IT’S NO BIG DEAL”
He means: “I have probably severed a limb, but I will bleed to death before I admit I’m hurt, so get over here and help me!”

When a man says ’I CAN’T FIND IT.’’
He means: “It didn’t fall into my outstretched hand, so I’m completely clueless”

When a man says “I HEARD YOU.”
He means: “I haven’t the foggiest clue what you just said and I am hoping desperately that I can fake it well enough so that you’ll not spend the next 3 days yelling at me.”

When a man says “YOU KNOW I COULD NEVER LOVE ANYONE ELSE”
He means: “I am used to the way you yell at me and realize it could be worse.”

When a man says “YOU LOOK TERRIFIC!”
He means: “Oh please don’t try on one more outfit, we’re late and I’m starving.”

When a man says “I’M NOT LOST. I KNOW EXACTLY WHERE WE ARE.’’
He means: “No one will ever see us alive again.”

When a man says “I don’t think I can go today.”
He means: Shopping is NOT a sport, and no, I am never going to think of it that way.

When a man says, “I don’t remember saying that.”
It’s because he means: “Anything I may have said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. In fact, all past comments become null and void after 7 days.”

When a man says, “that’s not what I meant.”
He means: “If something I said can be interpreted two ways, and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, I meant the other one.

If your husband says, “honey, what color is this?”
He means: ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings. Peach, for example, is a fruit, not a color. Pumpkin is also a fruit. I have no idea what “taupe” is.

We thank God today for the good men He’s sent us here

Author Unknown found on Sermoncentral.com

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Responses

  1. […] June 15, 2010 8:25 am This one is good for laugh as you prepare for Fathers day. You may want to use it to create your own homemade card for Dad on his special day. THE MEN’S THESAURUS Are you having trouble understanding your man? Perhaps this will help. If nothing else you will have a good laugh. (men don’t always say what they mean) – ladies, please allow me to translate for your future benefit: When a man says “IT WOULD TAKE TOO LONG TO EXPLAIN” He means: "I have no idea how it works" When a man says "TAKE A BREAK, HONEY. YOU ARE WORKING TOO HARD’’ He means: "I can’t hear the game over the vacuum cleaner … Read More […]

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