Posted by: Joe Palmer | February 11, 2010

The Scarlet D

The Scarlet D

Second in Series on Divorce

By Joe Palmer

Within my fellowship divorce is the Scarlet Letter.  When I got married, it was my intention to be married for life.  I never dreamed at that time that divorce would be something I would experience.

I don’t know if I can explain how awful it feels to be divorced:  The betrayal of being rejected by someone you love.  The breaking of the vows, “for better or worse, and until death we do part.”

Divorce leaves a deep emotional scar.  I hope you never experience it.  Let me explain some of the things I felt.

  1. I prayed to God to let me die.  I wasn’t suicidal but I felt like death would be better than having my children deal with the fall out of divorce.
  2. I felt guilty.  No matter that in my case I didn’t want or seek the divorce.  Just the whole idea of saying, “I’m divorced” was awful.   I had to deal with my own failures in the marriage.  I had look at my own sins.  In my opinion no one leaves a marriage guiltless.
  3. I questioned who I was.  I don’t know if everyone does this, but in my situation the divorce was such a personal rejection that I questioned who I was.
  4. I felt isolated. People don’t know how to help. They don’t know what to do.  I don’t know that anyone could have given me enough help to heal the pain but I felt alone.
  5. I lost everything.  Everyone loses something in a divorce.  I lost everything.  I lost my job. I lost my home. I lost the person I loved.  I lost my friends.  I lost my standing in my community.  The greatest loss of all has been the loss of relationships with my three daughters. That pain never stops hurting.

If you have been through divorce, please share your experiences. Maybe we can discover together some of the common problems people face.

Joe Palmer

The previous post is “Christian Response to Divorce.”  I hope you will follow this series and recommend it to others.  if I can be of help to anyone please feel free to contact me at my personal email

Keep in mind that these post aren’t designed to be theological but are to help people who are divorced or considering a divorce to make a wise decision.  I also want to help the church grow in our ability to minister to all people.

As we go through the series I hope to share how God has helped me to grow and to heal the pain.  I believe God blesses us in our mustard seed of faith.   Please don’t give if your faith if you are going through a divorce.  You need it now more than ever.

For I am persuaded, that neither death, nor life, nor angels, nor principalities, nor powers, nor things present, nor things to come, 39 Nor height, nor depth, nor any other creature, shall be able to separate us from the love of God, which is in Christ Jesus our Lord.
Romans 8:38-39 (KJV)


  1. This kind of transparency is so needed. Thanks for opening up and reaching out to others.

    I haven’t lived it personally, but I see it in my brother-in-law’s family. Divorce is a devastating thing.

    Grace and peace,
    Tim Archer

  2. I stayed in an abusive relationship for many years because of the Scarlet D. I felt if I left I would not be showing enough faith in the Lord’s Power. I know he can do all things!!!!! I did everything I could possibly think of. We went to church Sunday morning, Sunday night, Wednesday night, Small Group functions and any church activities that would bring us closer to God so he could hear my plea. I begged him to touch my husband’s heart so he could be the person he pretended to be at church. He was someone completely different in the privacy of our home. The physical and emotional abuse was unbelievable. What was I teaching my Christian daughter? I wanted to show her commitment to your marriage vows and faith in the Lord that he can make things right if you wait on his time. In her senior year of high school and she said this….It doesn’t matter how hard you try to be a Christian Woman it doesn’t make him a Christian man. It doesn’t matter how good of a wife you are, it doesn’t make him a good husband. It doesn’t matter how long you try or how hard you try to be a good example, if he does not want to do the Lords will and follow what the scriptures say about marriage…. the Lord is not going to force him! How many bruises to your body and your heart are you going to endure before you understand that? I never wanted to be one of the many divorced people in the Lord’s church. I wanted to trust in the Lord’s strength! I could go on no longer…it was to dangerous….the anger and threats of my death was daily. I left after 24 years of marriage. After an adjustment I am proud to say, I am very happy. The church stood by me, my friends stood by me, my work stood by me and I had a wonderful Christian daughter to give me strength. Life is good..God is good..Heaven will be Great!

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