Posted by: Joe Palmer | February 22, 2010

If you are considering a divorce.



If you are considering a divorce.

By Joe Palmer

A divorce is a last resort. It should only be tried after all else has failed. There is good reason that God puts strict limits on the authorization of divorce. No one, and I mean no one, leaves a divorce without a scar.

• It hurt the one initiating the divorce.
• It hurts the one being divorced.
• It hurts if you both agree to it.
• It hurts the kids. (This is the worst part)
• It hurts the family.
• It hurts friends.
• It hurts the church.
• It hurts God.
I know what you are thinking, but what about….
• Adultery
• Sexual infidelity
• Alcoholics or drug addicts
• Physical violence and abuse of the spouse or family.
• Pornography
• Addiction to gambling or financial irresponsibility.

Regardless of the justification divorce is still a last resort. While the divorce may seem like it is the best for you, your children, and everyone concerned it isn’t. The best thing is a healed heart, and healed families.

When you end your marriage you end something that you can never get back. When you are at the point of making that decision you are so hurt that you probably can’t see that this is true.

Ending the marriage doesn’t end the relationship especially if children are involved. Those children will for their rest of their lives share you as parents. You will continue to raise them together. You will have future marriages and grandchildren together. The issues of child support, shared custody, remarriage, parental discipline are so complex that divorce.

So what are my options?

If you are considering divorce, give everything a fair shot to work out the situation.
1. Take a stand: I am not saying tolerate infidelity, addictions, pornography, violence, or anything else that is damaging you physically, emotionally, or spiritually.

2. Call for Help. Talk to your elders, or preachers. Solicit the advice of someone who has been through divorce, with one exception. Don’t listen to anyone who say just go ahead and do it. They may sound like they are your friend they aren’t. By all means find a good Christian counselor, or marriage and family therapist who is a Christian.

3. Invest in your marriage. If there is hope grab on to it. Seek out and look for the best. It has been said that if people invested as much into their marriages as they did their divorce they would probably never happen. We will talk about resources later.

4. Consider a separation. This is essential if violence is a factor. It can be necessary to allow time to heal. It may also give real clarity to the problem. Separation should be a path to reconciliation not divorce.

As one who has been divorced and is now happily remarried, I can tell you that divorce is not the answer. Am I happier in my current marriage? YES! But I still mourn the loss of a failed first marriage. I still see the pain it caused. If I had a choice I would still declare that God’s will is that my first marriage had remained intact. I plead for all of you considering a divorce to look for ways to save your marriage.

Joe Palmer

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Responses

  1. When I counsel people who are considering divorce I find myself coming back to three lines over and over:

    1. Satan is telling you that the easiest thing to do is get a divorce… He lies! Divorce is nothing but hard. As difficult as it may appear to build a new marriage… that is much easier than divorce.

    2. Satan is telling you that if you will just get the divorce then this will all be over…. He lies! Divorce is never over.

    3. I ask them, are you planning on being in a new marriage someday? If so, then make this one the new one.

    This has been a good series. I know it was a little painful to write (nothing compared to the experience). I am proud to be your brother.

    P.S. If you need to fill a Wed. slot this summer and the cong. will have me back, We’d love to see you and Leeanna.


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